we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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