Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
