Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
