So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Four minutes until I can fart!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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