if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
