omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
