sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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