soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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