I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
