tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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