idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
