Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
