ya dads aren't the best wingmen
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
