if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
