Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
you made out with another girl for some wings
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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