apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
