Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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