sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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