i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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