i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
