Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
