He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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