$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Reggie can tackle my bush.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Let's paint friendship bongs
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
we're so committed to being not committed
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
