Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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