I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
be right there i have to get my cape
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
