im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
