I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
