I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
