TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
