The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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