her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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