i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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