I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
