belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
