You work out of a Hotel?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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