last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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