wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
