yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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