My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
How does one acquire holy water?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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