i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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