WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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