he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
