I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
