had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
