You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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