At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
