we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
