dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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