dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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