I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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