If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
