she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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