then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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